Many services focus on early indicators because abuse typically escalates gradually. Early recognition can reduce harm and increase options for support before risk rises.

• “I just worry about you” → needing constant updates
• “I don’t trust your friends” → discouraging contact
• “Share your location so I know you’re safe” → checking and questioning constantly

• Criticism framed as “help”
• Normalising checking your phone
• Pressuring you to change clothes, routines, friends

Monitoring phone, location, who you speak to, what you post — framed as “love”.

Creating tension with friends/family so you stop seeing them, or making you feel guilty for leaving the house.

Accusations, suspicion, checking, anger at harmless interactions, controlling who you speak to.

Silent treatment, withdrawing affection, sulking, rage, or threats after you say “no”.

Fast commitment, pressure to move in quickly, constant messaging, then anger when you need space.

“You made me do it.” “If you loved me you would…” Making you responsible for their behaviour.

• Pregnancy, illness, or vulnerability
• Talking about leaving or separation
• Starting work, new friends, therapy, or independence
• Police / legal involvement

• Rules increase (more “don’ts”, more checking)
• Consequences appear (punishment, intimidation, threats)
• Isolation deepens (less outside contact)
• Fear becomes normal (walking on eggshells)

Disagreements where both people can speak safely, set boundaries, and resolve without fear.

Feelings are not abuse. Jealousy becomes a red flag when it leads to monitoring, restriction, or punishment.

This links affection to compliance and teaches fear-based behaviour. Over time it can become monitoring, rules, and punishment.