The Psychology of Abuse
Abuse reshapes the brain, nervous system, and survival instincts ā not willpower or intelligence.
š Your safety comes first.
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Trauma Bonding
Trauma bonding is a powerful emotional attachment formed through cycles of fear, harm, and relief.
Strong attachment does not mean the abuse isnāt real.
It means the brain is trying to survive.
How trauma bonds form
- Fear activates stress hormones
- Relief releases dopamine
- The brain links safety to the abuser
- Leaving feels painful or dangerous
Gaslighting
Gaslighting causes someone to doubt their memory, perception, or reality.
Common gaslighting phrases
- āThat never happened.ā
- āYouāre imagining things.ā
- āYouāre too sensitive.ā
Psychological impact
Confidence erodes, self-doubt grows, and dependence increases.
Fear Responses
Under threat, the brain prioritises survival ā not logic.
The trauma responses
- Freeze: numb, stuck
- Fawn: appease to stay safe
- Fight: resist
- Flight: escape
Survival Behaviour
Behaviours outsiders misunderstand are often protective strategies.
Examples
- Keeping the peace
- Minimising harm
- Staying quiet
Why the Bond Feels So Strong
Unpredictable kindness strengthens attachment more than constant kindness.
Why this happens
The brain becomes conditioned to chase relief ā similar to gambling addiction.
Shame & Self-Blame
Self-blame feels safer than facing danger.
Why shame develops
- Gaslighting shifts blame
- Shame reduces help-seeking
- Hope feels safer than reality
Memory & Brain Fog
Trauma affects memory storage and recall.
Common effects
- Fragmented memory
- Confusion when questioned
- Dissociation
Learning Flash Cards
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Need support?
š National Domestic Abuse Helpline (24/7): 0808 2000 247
š GOV.UK ā How to get help
š NHS ā Domestic abuse support
š National Domestic Abuse Helpline (24/7): 0808 2000 247
š GOV.UK ā How to get help
š NHS ā Domestic abuse support
