Understanding Domestic Abuse
Domestic abuse is not about anger, arguments, or “relationship problems”. It is about power, control, fear, and restriction.
What Domestic Abuse Really Is
Domestic abuse is a pattern of behaviour where one person uses fear, control, intimidation, or restriction to dominate another.
UK legal definition (plain English)
Under the UK Domestic Abuse Act 2021, abuse includes:
- Physical or sexual abuse
- Threatening or violent behaviour
- Controlling or coercive behaviour
- Economic abuse (money, housing, essentials)
- Psychological or emotional abuse
Abuse can occur between current or former partners, family members, or carers — regardless of gender.
Why Control Matters More Than Conflict
All relationships have disagreements. Abuse is different because it creates fear and loss of freedom.
Common control behaviours
- Monitoring phones, messages, location
- Isolation from friends or family
- Rules, punishments, intimidation
- Making someone responsible for the abuser’s emotions
- Threats involving children, pets, housing, money
Quiet self-check (private)
- Do you feel you must manage their mood?
- Do you change behaviour to avoid consequences?
- Do you feel anxious, watched, or restricted?
Different Forms of Domestic Abuse
Emotional & Psychological Abuse
Humiliation, gaslighting, threats, blame, manipulation, making someone doubt their memory, feelings, or worth.
Coercive & Controlling Behaviour
A strategic pattern that removes independence over time, often without physical violence.
Economic / Financial Abuse
Controlling money, access to food or transport, withholding essentials, or forcing debt.
Physical & Sexual Abuse
Hitting, pushing, choking, restraint, sexual pressure, reproductive control, or blocking exits.
Myths vs Reality
“If it was really abuse, they’d just leave.”
Leaving can be the most dangerous time. Fear, finances, children, housing, isolation, and threats all matter.
“It only counts if there’s violence.”
Psychological, financial, and coercive abuse can be just as damaging.
“They didn’t mean it — they were stressed.”
Stress does not cause abuse. Abuse is about entitlement and control.
Learning Flash Cards
Tap to reinforce key understanding.
📞 National Domestic Abuse Helpline (24/7): 0808 2000 247
🌐 GOV.UK – How to get help
🌐 NHS – Domestic abuse support
